The Darkness
by Dragongirl4741
Summary: Jennifer is attacked while on a mission, and has to learn to deal with it. Dark Fic. Ronon/Keller friendship. Note rated M for subject matter and language in later chapters. Please R
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimers: not mine I am not making any money on this.

Now a word of warning this is and will be a very dark fic. It has rape and it will contain some harsh langue. This is something that is very personal to me and if you get offended by what is said or what is talked about then please don't read. On the brighter side this is also very much about comfort.

Chapter 1

Jennifer sat with her knees to her chest, and her arms hugging her knees as close to herself as she could. Her back she kept against the biggest tree she found without going too far. Her head she kept moving as she tried looking in every direction around her at once.

She couldn't stop herself from shaking, just as she couldn't stop her mind from racing. She jumped at every slight noise she heard, thinking that someone was coming. When the sun began to rise she felt a bit more comfortable; at least now she could see farther than she could in the dark.

She still couldn't believe the place she was in. Atlantis had heard about a disease outbreak on this planet through one of their trading partners. Jennifer and gone with Rodney, John and Ronon. Teyla had not come for fear that her son, Tagan, would get sick. The outbreak had not been bad but some of the older people in the village had been too weak to survive. Everything had been routine and normal till just before sunset last night.

She had been out here the entire night, in the same place that she had been since that man had left her. He had left her alone scared and broken. Not physically broken, but emotionally she had been shredded.

He had told her that there was an older couple that lived a few miles from the village. He asked if she would go with him to check in on the couple to see if they had caught the same disease that so many of the villages had. Then, once they were far enough away from the village, far enough that no one could hear her scream, he attacked her.

She had told him no, she had tried to push him away, push him off, but his strength was much stronger than hers. She had punched him in the stomach and was rewarded with a backhand across her face. When he put the knife to her throat, she stopped struggling. She started to tell herself that it wasn't happening. She told herself that this was just some realistic movie scene she was watching, that it wasn't happening to her. She felt the pain as he hit her every now and then. She felt the pain as he forced himself into her. She slowly became aware of a sound in the distance and hoped that it meant rescue. It wasn't until her attacker's hand clamped down hard against her mouth that she realized it was her screaming that she had heard.

When he was finally finished and he left her alone, she curled up in the fetal position till the first slight noise and then she took up her place at the tree. She had curled up as much to protect herself as to make herself as small and unnoticeable as possible. There was a sound to her right. Her eyes flew to the direction of the sound then as the sound got louder and she could see the shape of a person coming near her. She felt sheer terror that she had never known a person could feel. The person was getting closer to her and she didn't know if it was her attacker from last night or not. The terror only grew (if it was possible) and as much as she knew she should stay as still and quite as possible, she couldn't. She closed her eyes and screamed when the figure was only a few feet away.

He turned to the sound of the most bone-chilling scream he had ever heard and saw her shaking from fear or effort to scream or both. He was at her side in just a few short steps and he knelt down beside her. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder but before he could speak, she let out a horrified squeak and tried to crawl away from the touch.

"Doc, it's okay. It is only me; we have been looking for you most of the night."Somehow, his deep voice penetrated her fear-fogged mind, and she looked up into green eyes that showed nothing but concern.

"Ronon, thank god." she said, sagging back against the tree but not making any other move.

"What happened? Are you hurt? Can you walk?" He asked wondering what had happened to make her act this way.

"He said there were people who might need help, but he…he…I need to get out of here; I want to get back to Atlantis. I need to get out of these clothes. I need to take a bath. I need to burn these clothes. He…attacked…That monster."

Ronon listen to her fast-talking and was able to guess at what happened to her after she disappeared from the village last evening.

"Did someone rape you?" Ronon demanded to know. He felt bad about how much force he put behind the question when he saw her flinch away from him. If he was right, and he was sure he was, someone would have to be brought to justice. Rape was despicable. What man felt that he must control a woman like this? No man had the right to force himself on a woman who was unwilling.

"He…I tried…I just want to go, I don't want to think about it." she said slowly standing up slowly, as her cramped muscles protested the movement after spending the night in the same position.

Ronon reached out to offer her a hand but he saw her flinch away and he pulled his hand away, cursing himself for not realizing that she would not want to be touched by anyone right now. He looked back down at her and took in her appearance, the bruises that had started to blossom on her pale skin, and her ripped and slightly bloodied clothes.

He turned his head away a bit, and shrugged off his coat and held it out to her without saying a word.

She looked at his hand offering her his coat and then she looked down at herself. Her clothes were in tatters, her pants had been ripped off her and her shirt was ripped almost in half, as was her bra. Suddenly she was very aware of how much of her could be seen and she took the coat and put it on as fast as she could. It was comforting to be wrapped in Ronon's far too large coat. She remembered when she was a kid. Those times that she had grabbed her dad's coat if she was running outside to get the mail or even just running outside to play for a few minutes. She always loved how safe she had felt; how she felt that nothing could hurt her. Right now she took what little comfort the huge coat offered and wondered if she would ever feel as safe as she did when she was a kid.

"Thanks." she mumbled quietly while holding the coat closed with her hands.Ronon nodded, looking back at her again. She looked so small and tiny in his coat. If he found who had done this too her, who had put that unspeakable fear in her eyes, he would make them suffer. Jennifer was a doctor; she healed the sick, and now who would heal her?

The trip back to the village was quiet. The only time either of them spoke was when Ronon radioed Sheppard telling him that he had found her and they were headed back to the village. Progress was slow due to the fact that Jennifer was doing her best to not trip. She was also sore and tired.

When they got within sight of the village, Jennifer stopped. Ronon looked back at her curiously but said nothing, choosing to let her make the first move.

"Can we just go to the jumper and not go to the village? He is…that is where…"

Ronon nodded and took them around the village and to the jumper. When they got in Ronon again radioed Sheppard to tell them that the two of them where in the Jumper and Jennifer needed to get back to Atlantis.

Jennifer sat down on the bench as close as she could get to the wall between the cockpit and the rear compartment with her eyes fixed on the open rear hatch. She saw him move towards the door and out of the jumper and she panicked. She jumped up and grabbed his wrist as hard as she could, like she was holding on to a lifeline.

"Don't leave me alone…please." She said in a small, terrified voice.

"Okay, I won't. I promise." He told her.

She let out the breath she had been holding and sat back down in her place. Again watching the hatch as if at any second a huge unspeakable monster would jump out and attack if she looked away.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Ronon got on his radio again, this time telling John and Rodney that they would be waiting for them in the jumper. The two men asked a few questions, but Ronon didn't think it was his place to answer them.

When John and Rodney got to the jumper they were both concerned and asked Jennifer how she was. All she did was try to bury herself in the too large coat and looked away from them. They both recognized that she was in no mood to talk to them and they backed off.

Ronon knew that the last thing she wanted was more attention and he put himself between his teammates and her. When John and Rodney had each taken seats in the cockpit he turned to face her.

"Would you rather I sit in the cockpit or back here?" He asked, not knowing if him going to the cockpit would be seen as leaving her or not.

She looked around the small space around her in the back section of the jumper and grabbed his wrist. She pulled him to the spot on the seat next to her, but far enough away that he wasn't touching her. He said nothing, just allowed himself to be pulled into the seat she felt would be more protected. She kept looking around at the space while, as she noticed, Ronon just watched the floor at his feet.

She wanted, she needed him hear her. She knew that it was impossible to take someone's strength and make it your own, but she felt stronger with him close to her. She didn't see that monsters' face when she closed her eyes while he was near. It wasn't exactly taking his strength, but more like borrowing. Maybe she felt stronger just because he was such a strong person and when he was near that in turn made her find strength in herself.

He wasn't there to stop it from happening, but he had found her. He didn't try to push her; he saw that she was fragile now and he just let her take comfort from him. He was her savior, and yet not. Even though he wasn't there to prevent it, right now he was her rock. The man that had overcome more than a man should have to endure, maybe with him around, she could overcome something that no woman should ever have to endure.

His eyes looked out the window. He could see through the hatch into the cockpit and saw that they were approaching the gate.

"We are almost back home." Ronon told her, looking at her again and seeing the tears that continued to fall down a too pale face. The paleness of her face threw into sharp relief the red of the scratches on her face, the dark circles under her eyes and the bruise forming on her cheek. He didn't even want to remember the other scratches and bruises he had seen on her body when she had stood up.

"Don't leave me please." She spoke just above a whisper, so quiet even she hardly heard it herself.

He raised his hand to place a hand on her shoulder but then lowered it to his lap. "I won't go anywhere till you tell me." he told her.

The anger that he felt for the thing that had done this to her grew. At this moment he could probably have taken on an entire wraith hive ship, killed every one of them and still be ready for more.

"Okay, we are back." John said, and he felt like an intruder when he stepped into the rear section.

Rodney felt it as well and both men walked out into the jumper bay. They talked quietly to the marines that were in the area and got them to leave for a while. They knew that Jennifer would want to have some privacy.

Jennifer sat looking at the rear hatch. She knew that she had to leave, but there were so many people on Atlantis. Eventually they would all know what had happened and the longer she put off leaving the jumper then just maybe the longer it would take for everyone to find out about it. They would find out how horribly weak and stupid she was.

She had never really thought of Ronon as someone who was gentle, but he seemed to know just what she needed even when she didn't. Even now, he sat and waited quietly for her to gather her courage to walk out.

She knew that her first stop should be the infirmary, but she was desperate for a shower. She didn't look left or right as she headed straight for her quarters. Even without looking, she knew that Ronon was walking behind her, because he had promised not to leave her, and she knew he would not break his promise.

When they got to her quarters, she grabbed her biggest, most unflattering pair of sweat pants and an equally big sweatshirt. Ronon had walked into her room, stopped near the door, and just waited. Knowing he would be there when she got out she headed for the bathroom.

Ronon heard the water running and knew she welcomed the chance to wash and do what she could to feel clean again. He also knew that if she took too long he would go and check on her. In the meantime, he answered the radio calls from Col Carter and Dr Beckett growling that when she was ready she would be in the infirmary, and telling them that she would get there when she was ready.

After an hour, he decided to check on her. She might still want the time but he was also worried that she could do something to herself that would cause her harm. He stepped to the bathroom door and knocked softly at first so as not to completely startle her.

"Doc, you okay in there?" he asked. When he got no response, he knocked again, louder this time and then pressed his ear to the door. He heard nothing from inside and it was then he decided to go in and see how she was.

Steam billowed out of the room from the shower that was still running. Jennifer though, had not gotten into it yet. She was still dressed in her tattered clothing and his coat. She was just standing in front of the mirror over the sink. It was covered in condensation and nothing was visible in the fogged mirror but she stood transfixed and unable to look away.

"Doc." he said as he walked to her side.

She didn't make a move when he stopped beside her, just continued to look at the mirror. Then without warning, and faster then he thought she could move, she punched the reflective surface with her fist.

He reacted quickly though. He got behind her, hugged her arms down to her side, and held her. She fought though, and in her current state, she was tough. She scratched at the arms he had around her and even managed to bite him. She kicked out with her legs and grabbed for the sink as leverage to get away. All the while, she made this horrible screeching noise and cried.

Jennifer had no idea how long she stood there staring at the space where her face had been. She stared at the bruise and the scratches and all she could think about was the monster who did this to her. Her medical mind told her she needed to go to the infirmary and get check out. Told her that this was going to take time to get over. That this wasn't her fault, but right now none of that mattered to her.

She never heard Ronon knocking and she didn't hear him say anything, yet she wasn't startled when he stepped up beside her. She knew he was doing what he had done since he found her. He was trying to see if she was all right and that was when she snapped. If only she had told the others that she was leaving. If only she had fought harder. If only she was athletic and not such a wimp she could have gotten away and not had this happen to her. She was angry. Angry at herself more than anything. She had always told herself that something like this could never happen to her; she was too smart to let it happen and now here she was.

She hit the mirror hoping that if she shattered it, next time she looked in it she would see someone else; someone not so weak and pathetic. She hit it for reasons even she didn't know. All she knew was it felt good.

Then Ronon had grabbed her and she got even madder. She didn't want to be touched; she wanted him to let go and he wasn't letting her, he was holding her. Just like that monster from last night, it was wrong. She knew somewhere in her mind that this was different, this was Ronon trying to help, but she didn't need help.

Slowly her efforts at fighting him died as she realized that he was not going to let her go. She was also becoming aware of a soft, even, quiet voice saying things meant to soothe. Saying thing like 'its okay,' 'yell all you wanted,' and 'you need to stop hurting yourself.' She wasn't hurting herself; she was trying to get away. She needed to not be able to see herself in the mirror. How was that hurting herself?

As her struggles became smaller twitches and pulls against him, she began to feel a warm and sticky feeling on her right hand and looking down she could see why. She had cut herself on the glass from the mirror and it was bleeding badly. Was this what he meant with needing to stop hurting herself? She stopped struggling all together and he let her go.

Turning to look as him, she saw blood on his arms from where she had pulled at them and her blood had gotten on him.

"Come on Doc, we need to get your hand looked at." he told her while looking at her hand. He turned off the shower and followed her out of the bathroom. He knew that going to the infirmary for her hand was easier to accept than going because she needed to be examined for the rape.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

I want to thank all of you who are reading this fic and say thanks for the reviews. I am sorry it has been so long but Real Life has been just crazy.

Chapter 3

John called Teyla and she meet up with John and Rodney at the infirmary. They were there waiting for Jennifer and Ronon to arrive. They had tried to contact them through the radio, but Ronon wouldn't tell them much of anything.

They were all worried about Dr. Keller. However, no one was speaking to anyone else; instead, they kept their thoughts to themselves.

John, who couldn't seem to sit still, was pacing the floor. He was not happy about leaving the village, and planet, before finding the person responsible for this. He wanted to get his hands on the man who had hurt one of the people under his protection. He felt like he had failed Dr. Keller, and hoped that finding who was responsible would, in some small way, help her.

Rodney was sitting on one of the beds just staring at the floor and the door alternately. He knew that Dr. Keller was still the same person, yet this could change forever the woman that they had all come to know. How would this attack affect her?

As a fellow woman, Teyla was ready to go after the man who had violated another woman, and not just another woman, a friend. She knew that Jennifer was stronger than the woman gave herself credit for, but this was something that even the strongest woman would have a hard time with. She was glad to hear that Ronon was sticking with Jennifer and would be there for her. Jennifer would need the support of those around her and Teyla knew that Ronon would be able to read her well enough to know when things got to be too much.

Col Carter was thinking over the things she had seen in her years, and this was still one of those things that was hard to face. She liked the younger woman and wanted to give her any support that she could, and hoped that she that would be able find a way to cope. She had heard and seen woman who had lost everything because they couldn't find a way to pull themselves together again.

Carson was thinking of things that he would need to do medically to help Jennifer. He doing everything he could to not think of his colleague who would be coming in to see him as anything other than another patient. He didn't think that he would be able to finish what was needed of him if he let himself see the woman as the friend that she was. When came to Atlantis he knew that there would be wounds and emergencies, but he never thought that he would be have to treat this.

They all turned to the door when it opened, and Jennifer walked through followed by Ronon. Her arms were wrapped around herself and her right hand was bleeding. None of them knew what had happened to her hand and though they wanted to ask her so many questions, they were all afraid to break the almost eerie quiet that had settled on the infirmary. Carson took in her appearance and saw the blank face, and figured that she had had a breakdown already and that right now she was probably numb.

"She hit her hand on the mirror." Ronon told Carson, and while she was getting her hand looked over by Carson he stood a few feet away talking quietly to the others.

He told Col Carter, John, Teyla and Rodney what he knew, which wasn't much. He told them how he had found her and her initial reaction to him and of her pleas to have him stay near. He told them about her meltdown in the bathroom and her hitting the mirror.

"Is that all her blood then?" John asked indicating Ronon's forearms where the larger man had blood on them.

"Some of it, but she scratched me pretty good and she bit me a couple times." He said.

Col Carter motioned for one of the nurses and told the woman to look at his arms while Carson was finishing up with Jennifer's hand.

Carson had to give Jennifer 4 stitches to her hand. That was the easy part. Carson needed to get her into a much more private part of the infirmary to do an exam he had hoped to never do on a friend. He was leading her to the room when she suddenly stopped and looked around with a scared look on her face.

"Ronon, lad, I believe that Jennifer is looking for you." Carson called.

Once Ronon was next to her Jennifer relaxed somewhat and she grabbed his hand tightly in her non-bandaged left hand. She didn't let go of his hand until she had to change into a gown for her exam. She still had his coat with her and when she was lying on the table, she had the coat lying across her stomach. She had also reached back to where Ronon was standing and grabbed onto his hand like it was a lifeline.

Ronon kept his eyes trained on her face, or what he could see of it when her head was down. Every now and then though she would look up and see him standing there, and he could see her relax somewhat.

The attack had been violent. Carson had found countless scratches from branches and the attackers own nails. His S.E.A. exam showed him nothing he hadn't expected to see in an attack like this. There was lots of bruising and tearing. He couldn't believe that anyone could do this to another person.

Before he let her go he asked her if she wanted an emergency contraceptive just in case, but she shook her head no, reminding him that she was allergic to the medications.

Col Carter told Jennifer when the three came out after the exam, that Jennifer would of course be off duty until she felt comfortable to do so and after counseling. She also told Jennifer that her door was always open to talk.

John told Jennifer that not only he, but also Teyla, Rodney and Ronon would do whatever it took to find the monster responsible and see that he suffered.

Jennifer understood and heard what they were telling her, but she just couldn't seem to make herself show any indication. Instead, she paused as they talked to her and when they stopped, she walked away, without looking them in the eye or responding. She hoped that if she could just ignore everything right then, then she could pretend nothing had happened. It would have been more effective though if she could have smiled or even laughed, but she doubted that she would ever do either of those things again. She felt nothing but emptiness and darkness inside, and she wondered if it would ever go away. She knew what it was she felt; numb: she felt dead.

None of the people there to show her support were insulted when she walked away during the middle of one of John's sentences. None of them could even began to imagine what she must be going through right now, and they knew that right now she was trying to process what she had gone through.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry it is a bit short but I hope you all like it and thanks for the reviews this is a difficult story to write and I appreciate all of the positive feedback.

Chapter 4

When she got back to her quarters she debated to herself about taking the shower she had skipped earlier, or to just lay down and sleep for a while; believing that she would never feel clean again anyway. Maybe if she slept she would wake up to find that the whole thing was nothing more than a horrible nightmare.

Ronon though, took the decision from her when he walked into her bathroom. Shortly after he walked in, she heard water running. He came out after a minute ad lead her into the bathroom.

"You didn't take a shower before, and I know that you probably want to feel clean."

She looked and saw that he had started to run her a bath and not a shower.

"You can sit and try to relax in the water; let it carry you. You would end up sitting in the shower anyway and why not start that way. Just call out if you need anything." he told her as he shut off the water and walked out.

She nodded and looked at the door he had just left through for a minute. How could he have known what she needed so well? Turning to the tub, she watched the water as she undressed. The water looked so inviting and clean. Soon she would be making it dirty. Suddenly, she felt like that no longer mattered; she just wanted nothing more than to strip out of the clothes she was wearing and sink into the steaming water.

She sighed as she stepped into the water. She slowly lowered herself into the almost painfully hot water, conscious of every cut and scratch as it hit the water. Once sitting in the water, she wondered about how she had come to this place where she was sitting, scared and broken in a tub in a different galaxy.

She thought about what had happened. She hadn't thought much out of the ordinary. He had seemed so nice and worried about a couple who were probably just fiction. Shortly before he grabbed her though, she started to get this feeling in her gut that there was something not right. A feeling that said she needed to get away from him, a feeling that had her wishing that she had John or Ronon with her. Then it was too late.Could she have done anything differently? Was what happened inevitable? Had she said or done something to lead that thing on? Had he took her kindness as an invitation? Was all of this her fault?

She was dirty. She could feel his hands all over her skin making it crawl. She felt his hands and his breath on her arms, her back, her breast, her neck and her thighs. She needed to get clean. She was filthy.

Grabbing a washcloth and soap, she rubbed up a lather and began to scrub. She scrubbed her arms till they were red and raw. They still felt dirty but at the same time it was almost bearable so she continued. She scrubbed her legs, stomach, chest and neck. It wasn't enough though, her back hadn't been cleaned yet and try as she might she couldn't reach it enough to clean it as well as she would like.

She was frantic now she needed to get clean the filth on her back or it would just spread and she would be covered in dirt again if she couldn't get her back. She knew that the thought was wrong and impossible but she knew at the same time it would feel exactly like that. She hugged her knees to her chest and wondered what else could go wrong on the worst 24 hours of her life. To have been raped was horrible enough but now she would never get the peace of mind of washing him off of her.

"How are things going? You have been in there for a while." Ronon's voice called from the other side of the door.

"I…I need help with something." she called, trying to suppress the mountain of fear that flared up at the thought of a man with the strength of Ronon walking in and seeing her naked. She knew that he wouldn't hurt her; he had been nothing but good to her.

She was curled up into as small of a ball as she could get into when Ronon walked in. He was surprised that she would ask him to come in while she was still in the bathtub, and yet was grateful that she would let him near her at her most vulnerable time. He walked slowly to her side and knelt down careful to not make any sudden movements that she might take as threatening.

"I can't get my back clean." she said in a small voice as she raised her head to look at him.

"I'll get it." he told her.

He took the washcloth she handed to him and began to gently wash her back. He was doing his best not to hurt her; she had been through too much of that already. Try as he might to keep his touch gentle she insisted on pushing into his hand, and soon he caught on. He started to scrub harder increasing the pressure slowly till she stopped pushing back against him. When he wanted to stop, figuring that her back was clean she just shook her head and leaned back to his hand.

When she finally pulled away from him he stopped, and let the washcloth slip from his hand into the water.

"Lean your head back a little." He told her gently.

At first, she didn't move and he didn't push the issue. He was about to give up when she finally tilted her head back. He cupped his hands under the water and brought them up to pour the water onto her hair. She stayed completely still and tense during this process. He knew that she was letting him do this for her but was still uncomfortable having him this close to her.

Once her hair was completely wet, he took the bottle of shampoo and poured some into his hand. When he had rubbed his hands together for a moment to start the lather he started to massage the foam into her scalp. He was careful not to pull her hair or let any of the shampoo get on to her face. After he was satisfied that her hair was clean he rinsed all of the foam from her head, and then did the same with the conditioner.

"Is there anything else you need?" He asked when he was finished.

She looked at him and then shook her head no before looking away.

"Okay, I'll go back out and let you finish and get dressed. The clothes you got earlier are still right over there." he said, pointing towards the sweats from before they had left for her exam. "Be careful of the glass, though I didn't get it all up off the floor yet."

When he stepped out of the bathroom, he almost headed right out of her quarters altogether. He wanted to find John and look for that bastard that had hurt her. He could hardly contain the rage that was coursing through him. He needed a way to let it out. He wasn't good at this kind of thing. Teyla would have been better to stay with her but Dr. Keller seemed to have latched on to him. He wasn't resentful but he felt so helpless. He wanted to go to the gym, work out all of his aggression, and if he was lucky find someone stupid enough to spar with him. The best would be to tear that village apart till he found that monster and tear him limb from limb with his bare hands. The only thing that kept him in her rooms was his promise to the petite and very fragile woman just on the other side of the bathroom door.

Again and not for the last time did he wonder how someone who called themselves a man could do something like this. Why would anyone want to force someone to do what they had no desire to do? A woman was not something to be dominated, she was supposed to be cherished and loved like he had loved Melina. While he cared for the doctor, he still felt the same kind of protectiveness for her as he felt for Melina and even Teyla, through she hardly needed it.

He took a few deep breaths and made himself slightly relax by promising himself that he would make sure that whoever had done this would suffer.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jennifer sat in the tub for a minute or two more before stepping out and grabbing two towels; one to wrap her hair in and the other to dry and wrap her body. She then reached over and pulled the plug on the drain, letting the water drain away.

Somehow, as she watched the water swirl around and drain out of the tub she felt slightly better. Better because she felt cleaner. Better because the feeling of that monsters' hands on her had diminished. Those phantom touches were still there, but they had faded, giving her hope that eventually they would disappear all together. She had hope now that maybe, just maybe, just as the water flowed out of the tub that the bad, and dirtiness, she felt would also drain away.

After all the water was gone, she turned to where her sweats were still neatly folded on the shelf by the sink. She watched where she placed her bare feet, mindful of the small pile of broken glass that was still on the floor.

Jennifer dressed into her sweats and combed out her still wet hair. Normally she would blow-dry her hair; she hated trying to sleep with wet hair, but she couldn't make herself care now. Besides, that was before; before her world was turned upside down, sideways, and backward all at the same time.

Right now, all she wanted was to get into her bed and sleep. She had been awake for going on 36 hours now, and she was exhausted. She would love to have a full night of restful sleep, but she knew that the chances of that were slim to none and slim was on the way out the door. What sleep she got tonight would be fitful and filled with nightmares.

When she walked out of the bathroom, she saw Ronon was busy unfolding a cot in a corner not far from her bed but far enough away to give her space. It looked too small for his large frame, and yet she knew that he was going to sleep on it without complaint because he had promised to stay with her till she told him to leave.

"Was that brought while I was in the bathroom?" she asked, feeling stupid for asking because it was obvious that it had been.

"Yeah, John thought it would be a good idea; said it would be better than the floor. It looks like I might be more comfortable in that big chair over there." he said pointing to the chair on the other side of the bed.

"I could sleep on the cot and let you have the bed. I probably won't be sleeping well tonight anyway and so it won't bother me."

"No, you have been through too much last night and today. This is also your room and I won't take the bed away from you."

"Are you sure? I have no problem sleeping on the cot."

"I wouldn't have said so other wise." he told her firmly.

She just nodded and went and sat on the edge of her bed with her back to Ronon. He was right, she had been through so much, and yet she felt guilty. She felt guilty for not being strong enough to tell him that he could leave. She had never thought of herself as strong but this was the first time she thought of herself as useless and a burden.

It was like the figurative straw that broke the camels back. She felt the tears well up and she bit her lip and made every effort to stay quiet so that Ronon wouldn't hear her and have yet another thing to help her through. She had been a big enough burden on him and she refused to make things worse. She had clung to him, made him her support since he found her in the woods, without even asking if he minded, or wanted, that job. Then on top of that as a thank you, she had to go and bite and scratch him when all he had been trying to do was stop her from hurting herself. Now he was going to sleep on an uncomfortable, too small, cot because she was too scared to be alone on Atlantis, in her own quarters, for too long.

John had brought the cot shortly after Ronon had finished washing Jennifer's back and hair. John figured that Ronon would need a place to lie down and try to rest during the long night ahead. John had asked how Jennifer was doing and Ronon told his friend that he believed that she was strong enough to get through this. How long it was going to take though was something he couldn't answer.

Ronon had not thought twice about sleeping on the cot, in fact he had been thinking about radioing John and asking him to bring him some of his own blankets from his room so that he could make up a sleeping mat on the floor. When she had suggested that she sleep on the cot and he take her bed he was surprised. Even after everything that she had been put through, she was still trying to help others.

He had made up his cot, while small; he should be able to get some sleep. It wasn't like he hadn't slept on uncomfortable places during his years as a runner. On top of that, Jennifer was sure to have nightmares and he wanted to be able to calm her when they got too bad.

He was on his way to the bathroom for a quick shower and a change of clothes. He was almost to the door when he heard a very soft sound that stopped him in his tracks. He paused, listening to see if he could hear it again, and he did; a soft sniffling sound. He turned and looked at Jennifer just in time to see her wipe a tear from her check.He moved quickly in front of her and kneeled in front of her.

"What's wrong?" he asked her, but she just shook her head. "Tell me." This time, though when he spoke, he put more force in his voice, an action he regretted almost instantly when he saw her flinch.

"I'm sorry." she told him refusing to meet his eye.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I'm sorry for all of this. For not being able to do handle all of this on my own. I mean, I never asked if you wanted to be stuck with me through all of this, but here you are babysitting me. I think maybe I should just let you off from your promise. You can go back to your quarters. I am going to do this on my own; I need to be able to stay alone."

"No, I am not leaving you alone tonight. If you would rather have someone else stay with you then call them, otherwise I am not leaving you." he told her, trying to catch her eye.

"I don't want to bother anyone, I am just an inconvenience. Everyone has other things to worry about other than me." she replied, still not looking him in the eye.

"You are not an inconvenience. I don't know where this is all coming from, but you have nothing to feel guilty about. If having me with you has made you feel better able to handle this trauma, then I am glad to help. If it hadn't been me, then I would find someone else to stay with you, you need the support. Everyone needs some kind of peace of mind and right now, no one needs it more than you do. I honestly don't mind, as long as you promise me that you will stop feeling guilty, and that you tell me next time you feel like having a cry." He reassured her with a small smile once she looked him in the eye, knowing that he had her full attention at last.

"I can try and do that." she said, taking a breath to try to calm herself.

"Good. Can I also get a promise of being able to have some quality time with the monster that attacked you once we find him?" he asked with an angry gleam in his eye.

"That is up to Col. Carter but I would like that."

"Well, good, now that all of this is settled, will you be okay alone for a few minutes so that I can get a fast shower?"

Jennifer nodded, feeling that maybe Ronon was right. The people in the infirmary had been genuinely concerned for her. They had offered her their support if she ever needed it and Ronon was no different.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Just hearing the sound of the water running in the bathroom was comforting. She knew that just on the other side of that door was a man that was the complete opposite of the one that attacked her.

She knew that Ronon, while he was definitely a 'wild man,' he would never do anything like that to her or any woman.

Ronon was true to his word, as she figured he would, and was in and out of the bathroom in about 10 minutes. When he walked out of the bathroom, Jennifer had buried herself into her blankets. From the deep even breathing, he heard he knew she was asleep. Which was good, she needed what rest she could get between the nightmares she was sure to have.

Jennifer was walking in some wooded area but she had a feeling that something was wrong, she just didn't know what. Then it slowly dawned on her the trees were wrong somehow, she couldn't say why, they were just wrong. There was also no noise, no birds, no insects, even her foot falls were too quiet to be heard. She was starting to panic and began running. She didn't know where she was running or if it was the right direction but she ran anyway. Then that monster was there right in front of her. She turned and started to run in the other direction, but he grabbed her and pulled her against his chest. She screamed and tried to get loose from the arms that held her to him. She fought with all she had but it just wasn't enough, she was too weak and his arms too strong.

"It's okay, wake up, nothing can hurt you." a deep voice was telling her, and at first she thought that the monster was telling her this, but slowly the voice penetrated her sleep-fogged brain and she realized that it was Ronon.

Jennifer opened her eyes and looked around, taking in her rooms bathed in a soft glow of light, just enough that she could see that Ronon was kneeling in front of her bed with his hands on her arms. She sagged against the mattress with a sigh and wiped her hand across her sweat soaked brow.

"Nightmare." She said simply.

"That is only to be expected. Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asked her.

Jennifer shook her head, she didn't want to think about it yet, she knew that soon enough she would have to talk about everything and the less she did so then the faster, she felt, she could put it behind her.

"Later then." he told her moving off to the cot again to lie down. He had only been a sleep for a few minutes when he heard her whimper and then scream. He had jumped up quickly and gently tried to wake her up.

Some of her nightmares had been bad from the beginning while others started innocently enough and then turn darker. Those where the ones that terrified her.She was on Atlantis sitting in the mess hall with John, Teyla, Ronon and Rodney. All of them were sitting there talking about nothing really, just normal everyday stuff. There was friendly teasing and jokes. It was only after a few minutes that she noticed that John's eyes were different, that Teyla's face was the wrong shape, and Rodney's nose was all wrong. She turned to Ronon hoping that he would know what was going on, but Ronon had brought his face right up close to her and then he was that monster. She screamed and turned away but all of them had turned into him.

Yet again, Ronon was right there to wake her form her nightmare, but when she saw his face, she jumped back and tried to get away. It took her a moment to realize that she was awake and he was not about to turn into the thing in her nightmare, but she saw that look that crossed his face if even for an instant. He looked hurt.

"I'm sorry that wasn't…"

"I told you no apologizing."

"Right, I just…I hate this all of this…I can't sleep without the nightmares and I feel…I don't know how to put it into words. There is just so much, I just don't know what I can do to fix any of this."

"It isn't something you can fix on your own. Let us help. It will get better."

Jennifer nodded and looked down. Ronon started to move away when suddenly she grabbed his arm in her hand. He stopped and turned back to face her.She scooted closer to the edge of the bed towards him. She wrapped her arms around him just under his arms. She needed to feel comfort from him and she also felt bad for her reaction to him upon waking just minutes ago. She felt him tense for a minute, then he relaxed somewhat.

When her arms had come around him, he was surprised. He didn't know what to do; she was looking for comfort but he didn't want to stress her out by hugging her back. He also didn't want to just stay there and do nothing. He compromised though, by putting the palms of his hands flat on the mattress close enough to her that his arms where touching her sides. This way she could know that he was there for her support but he wasn't fully embracing her and making her feel trapped.

She pulled back after a minute or two and settled back into her bed. Ronon moved away, but chose this time to stay in the big chair rather than the cot. The chair was closer to her bed so that the next time she had a nightmare he would be there faster to wake her.

The night continued like this until Jennifer called an end to it all. The sun was just starting to rise when the last nightmare struck. She got up and went into the bathroom to take a shower and get dressed for the day.

She relished the shower; it washed away some more of the phantom touches. She dressed in her uniform that she had brought into the bathroom with her.

As soon as Jennifer had stepped into the bathroom for a shower, Ronon had called John.

"What is it?" John replied groggily.

"When are we going back to that planet?" Ronon asked as soon as he got a response from the other man.

"Good morning to you to. How did I sleep you ask. Well it wasn't too bad, but at an ungodly hour this big growling voice woke me up."

"John." Ronon growled out dangerously.

"Right, not the time for jokes, sorry. Look, until we know what this guy looked like or the Doc comes with us to tell us who did this to her there is very little that we can do."

"We could go and start asking questions. Find out if anyone was missing at the time she was attacked, or see if any of the villagers have been acting oddly."

"We could, but it would just show whoever did this that we are after him and he could turn tail and run and we might never get him. Plus, I know that you want to go to help find this guy but right now I think the Doc needs you here."

"All right, but after the meeting with Carter I am going to talk to her about going back to that planet."

"I figured you would." John said with a sigh.

"Hopefully she can remember enough and tell us. I want to get this guy."

"We all do big guy."

Once he finished his conversation with John, Ronon went about picking up his stuff. Folding the blankets, and folding the cot and putting it all in a little corner out of the way.

When Jennifer walked out of the bathroom, he was finished and sitting in her chair.

"You should eat something. I don't think you actually ate anything yesterday."

"No, I am fine. I am not hungry." She told him.

"Not going to work. You need to eat something; you need the strength for your meeting with Col Carter later. Beside of you don't eat something, then I will force feed you."

"Fine, but I don't want to eat in the mess hall even this early in the morning. I don't want to run into anyone."

"I know where we can go."

Ten minutes later, they were sitting in a quiet little area outside where, Ronon told her, John liked to play golf. Neither talked during their meal. Jennifer didn't feel like it and Ronon was respecting her silence.

He watched her eat out of the corner of his eye. She only ate about half of her muffin. The rest she just crumbled in her hands until it was nothing more than a little pile of crumbs. He didn't push the issue though, because even half of the muffin was better than nothing.

They sat there just watching the ocean until it was time to leave for the meeting. Jennifer had hoped that by staying there she could pretend that everything was fine but it wasn't helping.

Col Carter, Teyla, Rodney and John were all in the meeting room waiting for Ronon and herself to arrive, and while she had thought about asking everyone to leave except Teyla, Ronon and Col Carter, she knew that in some way they all provided a strength that would help get her through this meeting.

"Whenever you are ready, Dr Keller, we just need to know about the man who attacked you if that is all you want to tell us. You should know though, that getting it all off your chest will make you feel better." Col Carter said once everyone was settled.

TBC

A/N:Hope you all like it. I am not feeling very confident about it but hopefully you enjoy it. Next chapter will have more to it I promise.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N Just wanted to tell you that this is the chapter where what happned to Jennifer it told. I kept it simple but also gave enough discription that you will knew exactly what happened to her.

I again want to thank everyone reading and reviewing your words have helped me to countinue writing a very difficult story

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Chapter 7

Jennifer took a deep breath, and looked down at the table in front of her. She didn't want to have to look in the eyes of those sitting around the table.

"He never told me his name. He just said that there was an older couple a few miles from the village. I didn't think about him not telling me his name. I know that some of the people are weary of visitors, and it never occurred to me that he might be lying, he seemed so sincere. I had been to the village before and I knew there were still people who I hadn't met yet. So I believed that he told the truth, and he looked and sounded genuinely concerned.

"He was probably about four inches taller than me. His hair is longish but not past his shoulders, and it was a dirty blonde color. His eyes are kind of light, green maybe, or hazel. He looked like such a nice man.

"We had walked about 15 minutes or so when I started feeling like maybe something was wrong, I just didn't know what. Plus, I have had so many issues when going through the gate that I just thought that it was me. I asked him how much farther and he said we were close. I thought about telling him that I wanted to go back to the village as it was getting late and that maybe we should make the trip in the morning. Mainly because that feeling of dread was growing. Before I could say anything though, he attacked.

"He just spun around and hit me with a backhand across my check. I was so shocked and taken aback; I didn't do anything at first. When he grabbed my hair though, I started fighting. I reached for his arm and tried to pull his hand away. I think I scratched him up a bit.

"He let go of my hair and grabbed my wrist and pulled me back fast. I stumbled and fell back against him, my back to his chest. He then put both his hands on my arms, so that I couldn't move them, and started to push me in front of him. I tried to dig in my heels and kick him, but all this just seemed to make him mad. Next thing I knew he pushed me into a tree. I managed to avoid hitting the tree with my head thankfully. "Everything gets a bit blurry here. I tired to get away from him but no matter where I turned, he was there. I screamed hoping that maybe someone would hear, but even while I screamed I knew that we were too far away for anyone.

"I could hear the sound of my clothes tearing and I could feel the material pull against me and then give way. I kept trying to get away or push him off me, but he was just too strong. Eventually I guess he got tired of that and he took his belt off. He managed to get my hands bound and hooked in a branch of a tree so that try as I might I couldn't get my hands free.

"I tried to kick him then but he quickly put an end to that by punching me in the stomach and knocking the wind out of me. He took that opportunity to undo my pants and pull them down to my ankles. He positioned himself in such a way that he was between my legs, but under my ankles, so that my legs were wrapped around his legs."

Jennifer stopped then for the first time since starting her story. She had only planned to tell them the basic facts, the things they needed to know. She wanted to tell them only about how he had tricked her and what he looked like but then everything just started to come out. She felt that now she had to finish what she had started. She reached over and grabbed Ronon's hand, wanting to feel that she wasn't alone. She still looked at the table not wanting to meet anyone's eyes.

"Jennifer…" Col Carter started.

"No. I need to do this Col. If I don't do it now I might not have the strength to do it later." Jennifer said. She knew that this would be the hardest part, she just needed to say it, but up until now, it was just an attack. The next part would turn that attack into a violent rape.

"I yelled at him, begged him to stop, but he didn't want to hear it. He put his hands around my throat and squeezed. I must have blacked out because all I remember is not being able to breath and then I could feel his hands on my breast. He had his head between my legs licking me.

"I struggled to get away from his touch, from him, and he knew I was awake again. He grinned at me and brought himself up, and tried to kiss me. I turned my head away disgusted, and I think he found it funny. He laughed a little at me.

"When he stopped laughing, he forced his way into me, all at once, and I think I must have screamed again. I tried to get away struggling, but he seemed to like that and I soon stopped. I don't know how long he was thrusting into me but I know at one time he said I should relax because 'this is why I was here.'

"I don't know how long it lasted but I knew when it was over he paused above me and I felt him stiffen. I felt his…" She shuddered and couldn't make herself finish the sentence, but she knew that she could finish now the worst was over.

"He pulled out of me and out from between and under my legs. He got his pants back up; I don't even know when he had pulled them down. After that, he took his belt from around my wrists. I just curled up into a ball against the pain not knowing or caring what he was planning to do to me next.

"He started to leave and then turned back to me. He told me 'next time you come for a visit to the village you should stop by and see me again and we can have some more fun.'

"I laid there curled up for I don't know how long before I decided he wasn't coming back. I got up and pulled my pants up and underwear up. I was going to try and get back to the village but I had gotten so turned around that I didn't know what direction to go in, so I just sat there and waited.

"Ronon found me around dawn and from there, you all know the rest." Jennifer finished her story. She took and let out a deep breath and realized that in saying the whole thing aloud she felt a weight lifted. Like being the only person, a victim, had been keeping her down. She knew that in some small way, that in the telling it was out there in the universe, not all inside her. Now there were others to help her carry the burden.

No one wanted to be the first one to break the silence so for a while they all sat and kept their own council.

John was mad and sickened at the same time by the tale. He knew that he could not fix what had happened to the doctor but he could make sure that it didn't happen again. From now on, he decided, no non-military woman, no strike that, no woman, would be left alone, from that moment on they would have at least one male with them at all times.

Sam had not expected the full story, and yet she was oddly relived that Jennifer had told it all. Knowing that Jennifer could tell the story meant that she wasn't trying to bury the whole horrible event and that this was another step on the road to recovery. Sam also wanted to get a team ready immediately to get the monster behind the attack so that he could be brought to justice so that Jennifer could have the closure she would need.

Teyla wanted to praise her friend. Jennifer had once said that she wasn't a survivor and she was weak but with every word Jennifer had said she showed that opinion was far from the truth. Teyla was also horrified by what had happened. She knew that the attack would be violent but she never expected that the attack would be that terrible. No one should ever have to endure what Jennifer had.

Rodney had thought about not going to the meeting feeling that, as a scientist, he had nothing to offer in regards to helping find this guy. If, when, they found this monster what could he do? He was sickened by what she had gone through. Scientist or not, when they found this monster he wanted to be there to see him pay.

Ronon had not moved since sitting down. The only sign he gave was when he had squeezed Jennifer's hand while she spoke. His other hand was kept in a tight fist. He wanted to jump out of his chair and find the thing that had done those things to her. It was no wonder she had had so many nightmares during the night. If it was possible, the man had only made things worse by the words he had spoken. Again, he thought to himself that a woman was not there just for a man to have release. A woman was something to be cherished, cared for, loved and worshiped. This was no man who had done this but someone who was too stupid to know that he was a dead man.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N** Sorry it took so long to get this chapter to you,but new job and all. I have already started on the next chapter so yay. Hope you enjoy it!

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Chapter 8

Once the silence was finally broken, the meeting progressed. It was decided that the six of them would all return to the planet the next day. There were misgivings about Jennifer's adamant insistence that she be allowed to go. Col Carter agreed that if Jennifer wanted to go then she should. John thought that maybe she should stay on Atlantis until they had found the man believed to be responsible for the attack. Ronon just sat and listen to the conversation but said nothing.

Jennifer left the meeting with Ronon walking right behind her.

"You were quite. There wasn't anything you wanted to add?" Jennifer asked.

"Not much to say." He replied. "I can't say anything that will help. I am a fighter when there is a problem that can be solved with a fight. But this, I can't fight this for you. I will however, do everything I can to help find this guy and make him pay."

"I know you will Ronon. Thank you."

"We should get some food." he told her when they reached the intersection that would take them to the mess hall.

"I'm not hungry."

"Maybe not now but you will be later."

"Okay let's get some sandwiches and fruit; things that will keep." she told him thinking that it would be better to agree than argue with him.

Once they had gathered some sandwiches and fruit and returned to her quarters, they set the food down on the desk and Jennifer sat at her laptop. She had an e-mail to write. She wanted to talk to her dad, tell her dad, but how do you tell your father that you were raped? Maybe it was better to wait and tell him face to face. Instead she would send him a normal 'hey dad how's life' e-mail, instead of an 'I have horrible news to tell you' in an impersonal way e-mail.

After a little over half an hour sitting in front of her comp with only two sentences written to her dad, she gave up.

She turned around to see where Ronon was. He was sitting on her chair near her bed watching her.

"I have a question for you." she said.

Ronon just raised his eyebrows in response.

"How do you seem to know exactly what I need before I do? You knew when I need quiet and you knew about needing to feel clean." Jennifer said, looking away.

"After a person is forced to endure what you did, it only seems normal that you need support and comfort. With the feeling clean, lots of people have needed that. And if my being there when you have a nightmare, or telling you that you need to eat, or helping your need to feel clean, then I am doing exactly what you need. Being a friend, it is that simple."

Jennifer opened her mouth to speak, what she was going to say she wasn't sure, but at that moment, her door chime alert went off telling the two that there was a visitor. The sound startled her. She felt a rush of fear. She was aware that she was safer on Atlantis and even safer with Ronon nearby, but it didn't matter at the time. She wondered how long it would take her to get over these simple things that she had never thought twice about.

Ronon went to the door and waved a hand over the control crystals. Major Lorne stood on the other side of the door.

"Hey Ronon, um, I was wondering if I could talk to the Doc for a sec."Ronon looked over his shoulder towards Jennifer. She gave a silent nod in answer to his unasked question. Turning his head back to the Major, he moved to the side and unblocked the door so that he could step in.

"Uh, a few of us marines heard that you had been attacked and we wanted to let you know that we are very sorry. We also wanted you to know that anyone of us would love to go with you and teach this guy a lesson on how to treat a woman."

"Thank you, Major. It means a lot to me to hear that all of you care. Col Sheppard's team will be the one going with me to the planet." she told him, thinking that from now on the looks would start and the whispers.

"I just, well that is all of us, wanted you to know where we stood. The Marines on the base respect and like you, and we would do anything we can to help." Lorne said, as he started to leave. He liked the Doc but felt that he was intruding. To him it didn't look like she was really in the mood for company.

Ronon gave him a slight nod as he walked past.

Jennifer looked at the clock and was surprised to see that it was only 2:30 in the afternoon. She felt like it was much later than that. She was tired, which was to be expected considering she hadn't slept well the night before.

"I think I am going to take a nap. I know that you don't like sitting around, and there is still plenty of hours left before the night so why don't you go ahead and go. You can go spar or something." She said, again worried that she had pressed him into being her babysitter no matter what he had told her the night before.

"I think you are trying to get rid of me. I am not going anywhere."

"But I am saying it is all right to leave."

"I don't think you mean it." he told her, taking a seat once again in the chair.

"Fine, stay if you want." Jennifer said, happy that he was staying, but annoyed that he was being so stubborn.

Jennifer climbed into her bed, pulled the covers all the way up to her head, and curled her hands just under her chin. She was exhausted and fell asleep within moments of setting her head on the pillow.

Ronon watched as she curled herself up and fell asleep. She looked so vulnerable and he was struck by the realization that she had put total and complete trust in him. He knew better than most that when you were asleep you are at the mercy of whoever is near, and right now that was him. A few years ago if someone had told him that he would be living in a city the Ancestors built and watching over a woman while she slept he would have thought they were crazy. He watched her for just a moment or two more before he called John over the radio.

"We'll let the village punish the thing that attacked Dr Keller." John told Ronon when Ronon asked.

"You can't be serious!" Ronon said, making sure to not raise his voice too loud, he didn't want to wake up the Doc, she needed to sleep.

"Look, it isn't the way I would like things to go down either, but what else can we do? We can't take him to Earth for a trial, everything here is classified, and we don't have the right to hold a trial here or keep him prisoner here."

"He needs to pay for what he has done, John!"

"And he will, but it will be his village to decide how he pays. Believe me, I have no problems with letting you teach this creep a serious lesson, but it can't happen that way."

"Fine, I'll try not to kill him when we find him."

"That is all I ask big guy."

Ronon ended his conversation with John and started pacing the floor. Maybe he should have taken her up on the chance to leave and spar for a while, but the sound of her mumbling in her sleep meant his place was still by her side.

He sat in the chair that he pulled close to her bed and waited. He thought it was probably a nightmare but he wanted to wait. If it wasn't then he didn't want to wake her. When she started to thrash violently, he started to wake her gently with a hand on her shoulder. She woke with a start, looking around for a minute before looking at him and relaxing a bit.

She didn't say anything, just reached out for him. He took her hand and let himself be pulled towards her and the bed. She pulled him up on the bed behind her where he sat with his back against the headboard, his legs out in front of him. Jennifer settled herself between his legs and leaned back against his chest. Out of instinct, he wrapped his arms around her waist hugging her. She tensed and her breathing changed. Ronon immediately released her and put his hand on his legs. She shifted just a little to the right and put her head on his chest.

He hadn't moved, hadn't said a word, he wanted to see what she needed, what she would do, and followed her lead. When she was asleep again, he watched her. She would wake every now and then but it seemed that the bad dreams were not as bad right now. He wanted to believe it was because he was close and she knew that he would never let anything happen to her.

He asked her after a couple hours if she wanted to get up but she said all she wanted to do was sleep. He agreed to let her sleep as much as she wanted but he wanted her to eat. She was reluctant but eventually gave in. She took a shower after eating and again they settled into the earlier position of her using him as a pillow.

The next morning after another forced breakfast for Jennifer and a shower for both Ronon and Jennifer, they headed for the Jumper Bay. It was time to find her attacker and confront him.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks for all your Reviews and for reading this story.

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Chapter 9

When they got to the village and the rear hatch opened, they all headed out.

Jennifer though, paused just before she took the step that would take her off the ramp and onto the grass of the planet. Ronon sensed her reluctance and stopped. He reached his hand back to her when he turned to see her standing there. She took the offered hand and took the step out of the Jumper.

'You can do this' was the thought that she kept telling herself.As terrified as she was to be back on this planet so soon, not to mention this village, after the attack; the sooner she faced the monster behind the attack and the sooner she could put it behind her.

The village leader, an older man named Hiom, was there to greet them, wondering why they had left so suddenly on their last visit. Once he was told a short version of what had happened to the Atlantis Doctor he was surprised. He apologized that someone from his village had done such a thing, and had caused her so much pain.He was confident after hearing a description of the attacker that it was a young farmer named Dylos.

"I will have the man brought to the center of the village to stand and answer for what he has been accused. That is if he was the one that attacked you."

"If I may ask, how does your village go about deciding a person's guilt or innocence?" Col. Carter asked.

"The accused is brought in front of the village. Then Dr. Keller will tell the people what happened, what crime was committed. Then he will have a chance to speak in his defense. Once both sides have finished, the adults of the village will take sides on who they believe to be telling the truth. Who ever has more people that agree with them will be the victor."

"What is the punishment for a person who has done an attack like this?" Rodney asked.

"Well, we haven't had much in the way of attacks like this so I believe that will be up to the good Doctor."

A half hour later the entire village was gathered in the center of the village. Jennifer was, to say the least, terrified. There, standing just a few feet away was the monster that had attacked her. She wanted to run away. Why had she thought that being here would be a good idea? Was it too late to say that there had been a mistake? Maybe she could just pretend that nothing had ever happened to her. She could do that, right? Just go about her days as if nothing had ever happened.

Then Ronon was there standing just to her right and a step behind her. She could feel the heat from his skin and the anger that flowed off him like waves. Did he know what she was thinking? It seemed like maybe he did. He placed his hand on her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze.

She looked over at him, but his eyes were focused on Dylos, the monster that had attacked her. The look on his face was dark and hard. His face told her that he was fighting the urge to attack, and possibly kill, the monster that had attacked her. She wondered what it would take to send him over the edge and go after Dylos. What would happen to any that got in his way? She felt a tremble of fear. How could she condemn Dylos for rape, knowing that the man next to her, the man that she had taken as her security, had killed? Was the difference between them that Dylos had attacked her and done her grievous harm?

When Ronon looked down at her, she saw the answer so plainly she wondered how she could let herself think that Ronon was anything like Dylos. Ronon's eyes at that moment were not hard and angry. They held nothing but concern. The hard lines had softened. He may have killed but it was only when he felt that the other person had done something bad enough to deserve it. He didn't kill for the pleasure or control.

"You okay with this Doc?" Ronon asked her.

"Fine, I just want this over with so that we can leave." she replied with a nod of her head.

"It will be done soon, and then you won't have to come back."

Jennifer moved to stand in front of everyone and again retold the horrific events that had taken place at the hands of Dylos, who stood to the side waiting his turn to speak. She would turn and look in the eyes of the members of the team from time to time. Using the feelings she felt from them to give her the strength to continue. Ronon gave her the most strength when it came to the worst of the attack.

When she had finished she walked back to the fold of the five people who had accompanied her. They all quietly told her that it was almost over. They told her that they were proud of her. They told her that he would be punished and they would be on their way back to Atlantis.

Now it was Dylos's turn to speak. It didn't take long however, for the group from Atlantis to be shocked and furious at the words he said.

"You all know me here, does that sound like something I would do?" he started. "I have never done any of you wrong. It is true that I took the woman to see about Aldver and his wife Arodi. We got to their home without incident. Unfortunately, they were not there. When we couldn't find them, we looked around briefly but the light was getting bad and we headed back here. She was 'friendly' with me the whole time, but I turned down her affections. When I last saw her she was fine. I think it was one of the men she came with that must have attacked her. I'll even bet it was that one there, the big one. Did you see how she looked towards him? She was probably too scared to tell everyone the truth. He probably threatened her to say those things…"

Faster than anyone knew Ronon had launched himself at Dylos, and started to rapidly and furiously punch the man. He only stopped punching when he wrapped his hands around tightly around the beat mans' throat.

To say Jennifer was shocked would have been an understatement. She felt as if everything was moving in slow motion. She wanted to scream at Ronon, but what did she want to yell? Did she want to encourage him or make him stop?

"Ronon! Stop!" Col Carter yelled at the Satedan.

"You have to let go! He isn't worth it!" John said running up to Ronon and grabbing his arm trying to pull him off the other man, who was trying desperately to pull at the hands around his throat.

"Ronon!" Teyla screamed.

"Ronon, you can't!" Rodney hollered.

Through all of the noise, Ronon heard none of it. He focused only on the man below him. Dylos would soon pass out and die, which was no more than this thing deserved for what he had done and then said. He knew that the others would want him to stop but he would not listen. His only thought was to make this monster pay.

"Ronon, please let him go." That was Jennifer's voice softly pleading to release her attacker, and her soft touch on his arm.

"After what he did to you, this is nothing more than the punishment he should suffer." Ronon said, relaxing his grip slightly but not letting go.

"Yes, he does, but I couldn't bear the thought of him dying at your hands."Ronon shook his head and grabbed the mans shirt and pulled their faces closer.

"You are lucky she is here. She is a much better person than I am." Ronon growled at the barely conscious man before letting the man drop to the ground.Ronon stepped away and turned his back to Jennifer and the gasping man near her feet. Ronon immediately had Col Carter and John on both sides of him, in case he went after Dylos again.

Teyla went to Hiom and apologized for Ronon's actions, and tried to explain why he did what he did.

Rodney went to Jennifer to see if she was okay.

Jennifer looked down at the man who no longer seemed as frightening or as tough as she remembered him. He was broken and bleeding. Not a monster that would be able to get her no matter where she was. He was just a normal man who could suffer injury just like everyone. She was torn now, to help him or let him continue to groan on the ground and let someone else deal with him? She had taken an oath to help, but would anyone blame her? After what he had put her through did she have right to walk away? She decided not to let him cause her any more distress, and walked past him to where Ronon still stood with Col Carter and John.

"John, we need to get Ronon back to the Jumper. When we get there he will stay there while I come back and talk to and smooth things over with Hiom." Col Carter said wanting to get Ronon as far away from Dylos as she could, as fast as she could.

Ronon looked over his shoulder at Dylos, who was being helped by an older woman, and growled. When Jennifer walked in front of him and started heading to the Jumper along with the others, he turned back to the front and followed. Jennifer had been through so much and he didn't need to add to her stress.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The walk back to the Jumper was silent. Everyone was replaying the events that they had just witnessed.

Col Carter knew that she would have to try to smooth things over with Hiom. Ronon had acted impulsively and violently which was not all that unusual, but not something she had been prepared for. She was upset at his actions and yet she silently applauded his attack on Dylos.

John was quietly cheering for Ronon while he fought the rapist Dylos. Once back on Atlantis John planned on getting his friend a drink, or three. If he were honest with himself, he would admit that he was only a few moments away from taking the same sort of vigilantly-type justice on the man.

Rodney usually thought of Ronon as a caveman. A man who had very little thought other than fighting, and killing the wraith. A man who never thought before he acted. Rodney had to admit he had thought that the bigger man would have jumped Dr Keller's attacker sooner than he had. For once Rodney would willingly admit that in the same instance thinking was an over-rated waste of time.

Teyla was more than angry with the man who had done something so unspeakable to her friend, and while she believed that he had deserved what Ronon had done to him she wished Ronon had not acted so swiftly. She would have liked to join in and take a swing at him herself. She was not surprised that Ronon had reacted as he had to the other mans accusation; after all Ronon had been with Jennifer for every moment since he had found her after the attack.

Jennifer couldn't fully understand her own emotions. Dylos had done something so horrific to her that she could hardly wrap her brain around the act. Rape she knew was not about sex, it was about control, power and dominance over someone. To see him with no control, no power and defiantly lacking dominance was what was wanted to see. Yet she was a Doctor; she wanted to see people healed and she felt guilty for standing there and doing nothing, not only that but she had walked away from someone who was hurt and needed help. No, she had told Ronon to stop but she had let it happen for a while before speaking up. She didn't want to give him the time of day. Let someone else deal with the cuts and injuries that he had suffered, it was nothing less than he deserved. 'Did that make her a bad person?' she thought to herself. No, it is only natural. Maybe she could fully come to terms with it and she could forgive him but to be honest she knew deep down that she probably never would.

"Stay here, I'll be back shortly. I am going to try and salvage what I can with Hiom and find out what the verdict is in regards to Dylos." Col Carter said once they got back to the Jumper.

None of them said much other than a couple of inquires of time and one attempt at humor about Ronon's actions but no one was in the mood.

It was about a half hour later that Col Carter returned. All eyes were on her as soon as she stepped into the Jumper. Only one question in the eyes of all five people sitting there waiting for her…what happened?

"They believe Jennifer spoke the truth." She told them all, which earned her a chorus of relieved sighs. "It seems that a few others have felt Dylos was a little overly friendly. They spoke out and supported that he would probably take that final step and actually force himself on someone."

"What will happen to him now?" Jennifer quietly asked, needing to know for her own comfort and sanity.

"From what I understand, all of his possessions will be given basically first come first served; he will be "marked" physically as a criminal and banished. He might stay here on this planet or take his chances on other planets but as far as the village is concerned he is dead."

"He should suffer far worse than that." growled Ronon.

"Like what?" asked Rodney. "He was beaten senseless by you and he has been left alone. Whatever mark they give him will probably alienate him from most people. He will suffer for this and odds are not good to him surviving for very long on his own."

"He shouldn't be allowed to live." Ronon replied, his hands instinctually going to his gun.

"Ronon, it is enough for me that everyone knows what kind of person he is. He is a cold manipulative person who feels that he must dominate and force himself on unwilling women. I don't want him dead; I want him to be able to think on what he has done to me." Jennifer told him.

Ronon wanted to argue, wanted to convince her that the punishment he had received was too easy on him, but he could see in her eyes that this was something she was desperate to put behind her. He looked at the others and then back to her before nodding, removing his hand from his gun and resting it on her shoulder.

When they returned to Atlantis Jennifer was ready to try to get back to a normal life, or as normal a life it was possible to have while on Atlantis. She started having sessions with the physiatrist Dr. Taylor, and she went back to work a few days after returning from the trial.

Ronon stayed near but had pulled back some, no longer her constant shadow. He wasn't there at night. He felt that maybe he had gone too far in her eyes and was therefore giving her space. He also believed that if he was there all the time for her she would grow dependant on him being there, and it would make her desire to get back to a normal life much more difficult. He still looked after her though, he checked on her often and made sure that she ate and rested. He was also a shoulder to cry on. After a particularly difficult session with Dr Taylor, he stood steady as she cried, yelled and beat against his chest.

A month after her rape Jennifer began to feel almost normal. Her visits to therapy were down to once a week, her nightmares were less severe, and there were even nights with no nightmare. She was still, and would always be scarred. She was uncomfortable being touched. She would tense and only give brief hugs, if at all. If someone came up behind her and touched her, no matter how softly, she would jump and yell at them. She would apologize immediately afterwards but it upset her that something so small caused such a bad reaction from her. She hated that no matter what she had done she couldn't get over it. Dr Taylor told her that with time it would get better but she wanted her life back now.

She didn't know how often others thought about the attack that she had undergone, but it seemed hardly ever out of her mind. There were days that she was so busy it was almost easy to forget. Then there were days that were slow and her mind would wander and there it was. Sometimes someone would say something in passing and those memories were right there. There were times that she would see some guy who would give her just this look, she would feel this rush of fear, and she would make excuses and run. More than anything that got to her the most; the fear that it could happen again. She saw potential attackers in almost everyone. At night, it was this thought that would lead her to believe that she would never have a normal life ever again.

In moments Dylos had, she was convinced, stolen all of her hopes and dreams. She could hardly speak to a male, which meant that any chance of an actual relationship was doomed from the beginning. Not to mention the fact if she could hardly stand to be touched sex was not an option and there went hopes for marriage and a family.Most of the time she would push the memories as far back in to the back of her mind as she could, tell herself that she wasn't a broken person that no one wanted. On good days, she walked with her head high and told herself that she had survived something that is most women's worst nightmare.

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**A/N** I want to thank everyone who has put up with me long enough to read this story this was a very difficult story to write for a number of reasons one of which being that I was raped and a lot of this issues that Jennifer went through are things that I too had to deal with. I gave her a closure that I never had in that the man who raped me got a hung jury and died before he could be retried.

I am planing on an epiloge or maybe another story to follow this one but for now it is done. Again thank you for all of your reviews and for reading.


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